No seriously. They are. After this day from Hades, chocolate is a bit soothing to my soul. Oh em gee. Okay, I confess. I also ate a Twix and a Kit Kat. But, in my defense, they're all mini candy bars from Christmas. So there.
Anyway, today was a very challenging day for me. I woke up feeling a bit "off" after having not have slept so well. Jaydon was off the wall. Luckily, Verah was sweet and easy so that was good. But Jaydon....wow. This child challenges me to no end. I feel so dumb as a mom when it comes to him. I feel like I have no idea how to raise a boy. I know these challenges are good, and I am learning a lot. But wow...talk about trials. I love my son with everything in my being, AND he is quite a kid! He is 2 and a half so why should I expect anything less than what he is giving out? It's just been so hard, especially with my health issues and the burnout stuff going on. My limits are much greater than normal, and I hate it. I feel like it takes away from my kids because I am not 100% myself right now. I need to remember, however, that where I am weak, He is strong. He sustains me. Ahhh. Thank God He is God. Amen?
I also know that things were insane today because yesterday was a great day full of breakthroughs! From a financial situation being resolved to a nice phone call from my grandma to just a great day with my kids yesterday...resulted in straight up war today. I should have seen it. I should have prepared myself. Well, I can go on and dwell on all of the "shoulda coulda woulda's", but that won't get me anywhere. The point is that at least I can look back and reflect on the situation now AND be thankful. Trials are not fun. Pruning, growth, etc. is just not fun. Necessary but totally not fun. And I am in the midst of it. Oy and vey.
Thankfully, I was able to attend my singing lesson this evening. My teacher is great! She is a young woman from Spain who attends a music conservatorium here in NL...which also means my lessons are in English! Hallelujah! Haha. We did some warm-up, and then she asked me to pick out another song to work on. Well, I picked another worship song. This one is called "This is Amazing Grace" by Jeremy Riddle, and it's on Bethel Music's new CD, "For the Sake of the World." I love this song. It speaks to my heart. I just love the lyrics. His amazing grace. Wow. My favorite line talks about God turning an orphan into a son or daughter. This line speaks to me more than you know. Why? Because God showed me the other day that I have an orphan spirit. I do not live as the daughter He calls me, but as a lost, abandoned orphan. Wow. That hit me like a ton of bricks. But the breakthrough that is coming forth since receiving that word from the Lord has been wonderful. It's still a process, of course, but it's wonderful to look back and see how His hand has always been and continues to be on my life. His amazing grace. Wow. I am His daughter. This is good stuff.
I know my blog tonight is completely random. I am cold, tired, and I should have been in bed an hour and a half ago. But...I said I would blog so I am trying to stay true to my word. And it's just good to get things out in words, ya know? Like a cleansing. I find that when I do this, I can more easily lay things to rest instead of continuing to allow them to plague my mind and keep me worrying, anxious, upset, or whatever emotion is being triggered at the time. All I know is that there is a battle raging, and we're all in the midst of it. You, me, everyone. There will be crapiola days and amazing days. It's called life. I am learning that it's just so good and worthwhile to soak up life's lessons that both offer so that we can move forward into all that God has for our lives.
...and with that, I bid you all a very good night!
"This is Amazing Grace" by Jeremy Riddle