I really don't have anything witty or inspiring to say tonight. It's moreso that I am restless, and it's too early to go to bed while the whole rest of the house is silent, sweetly nestled in their beds, resting and awaiting for a new day to begin. I'm so not there....yet. Haha.
So I am now 27 years old. I cannot believe I am closer to 30 than I am to 20. I remember on my 18th birthday when someone jokingly said to me how I could "be an adult now" and purchase a pack of cigarettes or a lottery ticket. Dang, how time flies. Don't you hate it how you simply cannot control time? What I mean is...for me anyway, sometimes I just want my life to slow down, while other times I just want to speed it up to the next big and amazing event...or whatever. Yeah, I am pretty much glad that God controls the whole time thing, and not me. Otherwise, it might turn out to be some sort of "Red light, Green light" game, and that gets old really fast.
I praise God for such an amazing birthday. I turned 27 on the 27th of August, and this was such a chill but fun birthday. Because of different things going on in my life, I wasn't so sure that it would be a good birthday, but I was determined to make the best of it regardless of how things in everyday life have been looking lately. The night before my birthday, I got on my knees before the Lord, and like a child, I asked God for a birthday miracle. I didn't specify what I wanted, expected, or hoped for. I figured I might as well leave it up to Him since He knows what I need and desire way more than I do. Let me just tell you that God completely exceeded what I even thought was possible or probable. I was and still am just amazed by His love for me....His mercy, His goodness...it just never fails. Hallelujah for that. Thank you again to everyone who helped to make my birthday such an amazing and special day....thank you for the phone calls, the fun night out, the special secret gifts, the birthday wishes, and so on. It made me feel like such a queen for a day...well, moreso than I have been feeling for a while now...thank God for changing my perspective on myself.
That's right. He is actually showing me how to love myself, to call myself beautiful, lovely, and so much full or worth to Him and to others. Hallelujah. This evening, I was speaking with a few women in this group, and two of them had the same word for me. God gave them both a picture of a pearl, and I was this pearl. The Lord said that I am just so lovely and precious to Him, like this pearl. Also, the one picture was of a pearl set in a gold ring setting. So the Lord was saying how He is setting me in the right places, and at times, it doesn't seem that I may fit, but He is molding me and shaping me to fit perfectly. This really ministered to me, especially where I am at in my life. It seems so many times that, no matter where I go, I don't exactly "fit" in the surroundings. Praise be to my Daddy God that He sees that care of mine, and He loves me so much that He spoke to me about this situation this evening. Such an amazing blessing for me.
I didn't realize just how much God was teaching me about love and trust until a couple of days ago. It's just amazing. As some of you know, I am probably one of the biggest "scaredy cats" I know. I can't even watch a show like 24 or Prisonbreak without freaking out and being on edge because of something horrible happening. Shows like that make me just wanna cry lately. This whole mercy and sensitivity thing is seriously kicking my butt sometimes. Praise be to God, though, that I have this sensitivity because God has used this gift and others to show me how to minister to His people. Okay, call me a sissy if ya want to. Haha. Anyway, I struggle and have struggled for many years with fear and anxiety, and I see how these things have taken a toll on my life in many different areas. A couple of weeks ago, I was at this amazing healing service, and this woman, Carina, and her husband, Christian, prayed over me, and the Lord spoke through them about this fear that has invaded my life, and this is the season that He is going to walk me through to victory and deliver me from this horrible stronghold. Just hearing those words was like a breath of fresh air. To know that God cares for me so much, and He more than patient and loving enough to heal me from this. Wow. All I can say is "wow."
Some people have made comments to me about my writing. Sometimes I am too blunt maybe, and other times I may share too much about me. I guess that's not always a bad thing. For me, it actually breaks this mindset of being told all of my life to be hush hush secretive about everything. I consider it a blessing and a gift from God to be transparent...within reason, of course. I am learning, however, what it means to not cast my pearls before swine, and that's been a difficult and painful thing, but a very very good lesson for me. Gosh, if I could, I would save the world. But ya know, that's not needed cuz Jesus already did that so I just need to sit back and relax a bit, even if I am semi-convinced that it might kill me. Haha. There's that drama in me rising up again.
Seriously though, I cannot just sit and do nothing. I have to be doing something for someone....helping someone, something. This whole "rest" thing is making me go a little crazy, as if I'm not already, as 99.9% of you are thinking as you are reading this sentence. Whateva! I attribute part of this struggle to my belief that I have undiagnosed ADHD. I know I shouldn't say that about myself because many believe I am speaking a curse into my life, but seriously....I cannot sit still for very long or else it might just kill me. Haha. Yet again. I guess it's safe to say that I feel like I am in "time out" right now. Daddy God is not punishing me, but He is just gently placing me in the corner for however long, and He is not letting me out until I have "learned my lesson." I guess that lesson, at least one of them, is to let Him love on me, to trust Him, to let Him heal me, restore me, and make me whole, among a bunch of other things along the way.
So, I guess it's not about the destination all of the time, is it? In fact, I don't think it hardly ever is. Why, then, are we so driven to get THERE....to arrive? Wherever "there" even is. The climb up the mountain kicks my ass for real, but I learn so much on my way up so that when I get there, I look back and realize it was worth every drip of blood, sweat, and tears. That's right. It's about time I stop looking back at the past and start pressing on towards the here and now and the future. I cannot change what's happened, but rather, I can only learn from it and move on. This is also why I praise God for new beginnings. I praise Him for His mercies being new every morning. He is such a great God.
I find myself praising God more and more....like never before....simply saying that He is good. Sometimes I don't even know why I said that He is good, but do I always need a specific reason? No. I don't think so. God is not good because of what He does. God is good sinply because He is. That's right. God is good because God is God. It's in His nature to be good. That's His love for us. Gosh, how cool.
Lately, I have had this massive drive to write lots and lots more, maybe also because I have alot more time on my hands than I would like to have right now. I also have this drive to sing more and get into painting and artsy fartsy stuff. I really pray that the creative juices start to flow at deeper and higher levels in this time in my life. I know that God is preparing me for amazing things. However, I have to remember that everyday should be amazing, even if it's sucky, it's still amazing. Why? Because God gave us breath for everyday, not just some days. That in and of itself is a miracle.
I was so messed up the other night. I consider myself more of a casual, chillin' with the guys kinda girl. I never did so well with a group of girls. However, put a chick flick in front of me, and it's all over, dude. Seriously, I am lame. I was watching "What Women Want" of all movies to watch the other night on TV. It was kinda late, so I was up alone, and I just began crying! Then, that movie gets over, and I watch "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"!! What the heck! I start crying again! I seriously will never admit to being a hopeless romantic, but lately I am beginning to wonder.
The next day, after my traumatic and romantically whatever-you-wanna-call-it experience, I decided to ask Joe, my friend Barb's husband, what it is that MEN want. Gosh, I guess I asked the question of a century. Heck, I still don't even know what women, in general, want, but I figure I might as well get a heads up on the men part. Haha. His answer: simplicity. I was like, that's it?? Yep. So, after taking a few days to wipe the look of shock off of my face and let that whole conversation sink in, I began to think about it more in depth. This brought me to a great quote by Lou Engle..."Burn and stay simple." It made me think about how many times we, as human beings, (NOT just women, by the way), complicate life so much when God is just so simple. I really think that. He is so simple with us, as His kiddos, but we have these big intellectual ideas and theological perspectives that just get in the way of God's clear message to us. Sometimes I just get so sick of the power of the mind, so-to-speak. Yes, God is an amazing and mysterious God. However, just like He tells us to have faith like a child, He says it as our Daddy God, and how we would say it or do say it to our own kids. You know, with a toddler or a small child, you have to keep things simple for them so they can understand the message you are trying to convey. Well, I think it's the same for us and the Lord. The more we get to know Him, the more we trust Him, and the more familiar His voice becomes, and it makes our lives so much simpler. If we could just get THAT part of things, this whole stupid satan, devil, blah blah blah lies bullcrap would be a piece of cake!
So anyway, I think I am learning alot about myself, about my God, and about life. I know I am definitely learning about rest, and even though I don't like it so much, it's necessary. By the way, check out The Glorious Unseen. Their music just rocks me. I cannot get enough of it. The intimacy with the Lord that's spoken in the lyrics just rocks my world. I pray that it's a blessing to you as well. (Oh, and if you're feeling super guilty about not buying me a birthday present yet, this would make the PERFECT gift! Or also a $100 or more gift certificate to H&M or something would also do...hahaha. Message me for more details!) I am so lame. Haha.
One last thing....back when we were teenagers, my friend, Sarah, gave me a magnet from her grandparents' store, and this describes me to a "T"...."Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused." Seriously, that's pretty amazing. It's totally me. I still have that magnet somewhere in NY. Haha. I am so old.
http://www.myspace.com/thegloriousunseen
Goodnight and God's zegen. :)
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Believe.
Click this link: http://www.myspace.com/unitedpursuit
Listen to the song, "Believe". Heck, listen to them all. They will all rock your socks. I'm serious.
I cannot begin to tell you how much I love music and how much more I love God. He has been speaking to me so much, and it's just so good. All of this stuff, in the midst of just...crap...gosh, it's cool.
I seriously never really knew the degree of what a divine appointment was until I arrived in Las Vegas. I also didn't know how fast God could answer prayers, even abou the silliest things. I'm blown away. Seriously.
Since being here in Las Vegas for just over 3 weeks now, I have met 3 Dutch women, and altogether like 7 women who have a heart and passion to minister in Holland. I am like, "Okay, God, are You kidding me?" I met this one Dutch woman, and she is a dynamic teacher. It's so cool. I could tell she was Dutch from her accent, and I later introduced myself to her and asked her if she was originally from Holland, and she said yes. So, I proceeded to share with her my story, and she was in tears. She has such a heart and burden to minister in Holland, but she hasn't had any connections...until now.
Prior to this, I happened to meet a woman named Annie who attends the same church as me, and she is the founder and director of a dynamic ministry called Hookers for Jesus. I felt led by the Lord to introduce myself to her and to talk with her more about the ministry with the prostitutes she has here in Vegas. I shared with her my experience in Amsterdam, and my heart for Holland, etc. She was estatic. She told me that she had been praying for over 2 years for the Lord to connect her with someone who has ties to Holland (Amsterdam). Well, now He has.
Annie has a real heart to minister to girls in prostitution and also in human trafficking...for example, the girls in the far eastern countries like Cambodia, Vietnam, Laos, Thailand, etc. It's funny, too, what a sense of humor God has. Just a couple of days before this unexpected meeting with Annie, Barbara's husband, Joe, had a word from the Lord for me that God is going to be sending me to nations like Thailand to minister to girls into human trafficking and also to do development work in places like Burma and stuff. I was floored. God confirms. He is awesome. What can I say? Wow.
The most ironic thing is that I prayed half jokingly that the Lord would bring Christians or SOMEONE in my path who can help me to learn Dutch...ya know, because I want to become fluent and all. Well, lo and behold, I meet 2 Dutch women at one church alone. Craziness. They were speaking Dutch to me, and I was so excited to hear it and be able to understand it. I'm so passionate about learning that I have accidentally been speaking some Dutch to people instead of English. How weird is THAT? Haha. They just give me weird looks, we giggle, and we move on to the next moment.
A week and a half ago or so, I was able to hang out with my awesome friend and brother in the faith, Ben, and his mom. We went to the "old strip" and also the current strip here in Vegas, and it was fun! We ate amazing $1.99 shrimp cocktails. Yummy. We also walked around and admired the architecture of these ridiculous buildings known as casinos and whatnot. It was fun, even in the midst of gamblers. Haha. Most importantly, I was encouraged. Ben's mom and I could relate to one another in alot ways, and it was just cool to talk with her. Of course, Ben was being his crazy ol' self, and it was kind of strange to hang out with him on the "homeland" considering our last time to hang out was in precious Heidelberg well over a year before.
Later that day, I went to a birthday party of my friend, Maurice's lady girl, Fancy. It was cool to meet new people, meet old Shelter peeps, etc. We had good talks, and I had more divine appts. God is just awesome, connecting me with people, and just opening up these crazy doors for me in various areas of my life.
So...why on earth am I telling you all of this? Maybe because the times and seasons haven't been easy, and they still aren't. However, just as it says in that song, "Believe," I believe that He loves me, and that's all I need to know. No matter what I'm going through or how hopeless or difficult the circumstances may seem, He loves me. God does everything He does and allows everything He allows out of His love for us. Whoa, Jess, what the flip did you just say? Haha. God doesn't allow anything in our lives to occur that do not serve a purpose in some way, shape, or form. It's true.
Man, I don't know what tomorrow holds. I don't know what is going to happen, where I will end up or whatever. Who knows! Maybe I'll end up in Sweet Home Alabama shootin' the poop with Forrest Gump or something. Maybe Vegas is my new hot spot until the fire gets lit again under my toosh, and God says, "Time to move on!" Again, I have not but a clue what the days, weeks, or even months may bring. However, I can say this one thing: It doesn't really matter. I know all I need to know. Period.
I have never learned so much about the love of God in as I am right now in my almost 12 years of knowing Jesus. I am learning to really love myself. I am learning that He loves me. I am learning that I don't have to be afraid. Everything is under control. It's in His hands. Heck, I am even learning to accept myself for who I am and also praise God for who He is making me to become. I am learning to look in the mirror everyday and see that I AM BEAUTIFUL! That's HUGE for me. I even had someone look them in the eye and say about myself that I am beautiful....not just once but like 3 times. I wanted to cry, actually I did cry. It was such breakthrough for me. This is the love of God.
Ya know what's even crazier? We can choose to love God, but He can't help but love us! We can say love is a choice, love is a feeling, love is an action, or whatever. Phooey. God is the pure definition of what love really is. I am learning that as I love and accept myself more, I love God more. The more time I spend with God, I just love Him! The more I love God, the more intimate I become with Him, and the more His love just builds up in me more and more and more until it just overflows, and I am just leaking with His love all over the place! Whew. I am learning to love people beyond myself, and there is no way that would be possible without first getting the revelation of God's love for me. I believe that because God just can't help but love us because He is the definition of love, and so it is His very nature to love, He couldn't help it when He made the decision to send His Only Son to die on a cross so He could continue to love us and have relationship with us. He is really a God of love, man. Wow.
I was praying the other day with a lady I know who is such a prayer warrior, and just a spunky one for Jesus. She and I were crying out to the Lord, and all of the sudden something relatively new happened in her life....she began to prophesy over me. It was just more and more confirmation, and it was accurate too. I was like, WHOA! Then, she prophesied that I know what love IS NOT, but also something about me knowing what love IS. It was so sharp, so simple, yet so profound, and it made such a love dent in my heart. I couldn't believe that God saw me that way. That I know what love is and is not, and that He is going to use me to love love love people, all kinds of people. This rocked me.
So yes, I believe that God loves me, and I believe that His love for me is all I need to know because it is the basis of everything God says and does in our lives. It should also be the basis of everything we say and do in our lives because THAT very thing is what is beautiful and pleasing to God...when we walk in His love. You know those commandments..."Love the Lord Your God...Love your neighbor as yourself..." You get it. It's all about the love. Just believe it. Believe that He loves you, and it's all you need to know, cuz that's just the way it is. Just believe. Just love. Amen.
Listen to the song, "Believe". Heck, listen to them all. They will all rock your socks. I'm serious.
I cannot begin to tell you how much I love music and how much more I love God. He has been speaking to me so much, and it's just so good. All of this stuff, in the midst of just...crap...gosh, it's cool.
I seriously never really knew the degree of what a divine appointment was until I arrived in Las Vegas. I also didn't know how fast God could answer prayers, even abou the silliest things. I'm blown away. Seriously.
Since being here in Las Vegas for just over 3 weeks now, I have met 3 Dutch women, and altogether like 7 women who have a heart and passion to minister in Holland. I am like, "Okay, God, are You kidding me?" I met this one Dutch woman, and she is a dynamic teacher. It's so cool. I could tell she was Dutch from her accent, and I later introduced myself to her and asked her if she was originally from Holland, and she said yes. So, I proceeded to share with her my story, and she was in tears. She has such a heart and burden to minister in Holland, but she hasn't had any connections...until now.
Prior to this, I happened to meet a woman named Annie who attends the same church as me, and she is the founder and director of a dynamic ministry called Hookers for Jesus. I felt led by the Lord to introduce myself to her and to talk with her more about the ministry with the prostitutes she has here in Vegas. I shared with her my experience in Amsterdam, and my heart for Holland, etc. She was estatic. She told me that she had been praying for over 2 years for the Lord to connect her with someone who has ties to Holland (Amsterdam). Well, now He has.
Annie has a real heart to minister to girls in prostitution and also in human trafficking...for example, the girls in the far eastern countries like Cambodia, Vietnam, Laos, Thailand, etc. It's funny, too, what a sense of humor God has. Just a couple of days before this unexpected meeting with Annie, Barbara's husband, Joe, had a word from the Lord for me that God is going to be sending me to nations like Thailand to minister to girls into human trafficking and also to do development work in places like Burma and stuff. I was floored. God confirms. He is awesome. What can I say? Wow.
The most ironic thing is that I prayed half jokingly that the Lord would bring Christians or SOMEONE in my path who can help me to learn Dutch...ya know, because I want to become fluent and all. Well, lo and behold, I meet 2 Dutch women at one church alone. Craziness. They were speaking Dutch to me, and I was so excited to hear it and be able to understand it. I'm so passionate about learning that I have accidentally been speaking some Dutch to people instead of English. How weird is THAT? Haha. They just give me weird looks, we giggle, and we move on to the next moment.
A week and a half ago or so, I was able to hang out with my awesome friend and brother in the faith, Ben, and his mom. We went to the "old strip" and also the current strip here in Vegas, and it was fun! We ate amazing $1.99 shrimp cocktails. Yummy. We also walked around and admired the architecture of these ridiculous buildings known as casinos and whatnot. It was fun, even in the midst of gamblers. Haha. Most importantly, I was encouraged. Ben's mom and I could relate to one another in alot ways, and it was just cool to talk with her. Of course, Ben was being his crazy ol' self, and it was kind of strange to hang out with him on the "homeland" considering our last time to hang out was in precious Heidelberg well over a year before.
Later that day, I went to a birthday party of my friend, Maurice's lady girl, Fancy. It was cool to meet new people, meet old Shelter peeps, etc. We had good talks, and I had more divine appts. God is just awesome, connecting me with people, and just opening up these crazy doors for me in various areas of my life.
So...why on earth am I telling you all of this? Maybe because the times and seasons haven't been easy, and they still aren't. However, just as it says in that song, "Believe," I believe that He loves me, and that's all I need to know. No matter what I'm going through or how hopeless or difficult the circumstances may seem, He loves me. God does everything He does and allows everything He allows out of His love for us. Whoa, Jess, what the flip did you just say? Haha. God doesn't allow anything in our lives to occur that do not serve a purpose in some way, shape, or form. It's true.
Man, I don't know what tomorrow holds. I don't know what is going to happen, where I will end up or whatever. Who knows! Maybe I'll end up in Sweet Home Alabama shootin' the poop with Forrest Gump or something. Maybe Vegas is my new hot spot until the fire gets lit again under my toosh, and God says, "Time to move on!" Again, I have not but a clue what the days, weeks, or even months may bring. However, I can say this one thing: It doesn't really matter. I know all I need to know. Period.
I have never learned so much about the love of God in as I am right now in my almost 12 years of knowing Jesus. I am learning to really love myself. I am learning that He loves me. I am learning that I don't have to be afraid. Everything is under control. It's in His hands. Heck, I am even learning to accept myself for who I am and also praise God for who He is making me to become. I am learning to look in the mirror everyday and see that I AM BEAUTIFUL! That's HUGE for me. I even had someone look them in the eye and say about myself that I am beautiful....not just once but like 3 times. I wanted to cry, actually I did cry. It was such breakthrough for me. This is the love of God.
Ya know what's even crazier? We can choose to love God, but He can't help but love us! We can say love is a choice, love is a feeling, love is an action, or whatever. Phooey. God is the pure definition of what love really is. I am learning that as I love and accept myself more, I love God more. The more time I spend with God, I just love Him! The more I love God, the more intimate I become with Him, and the more His love just builds up in me more and more and more until it just overflows, and I am just leaking with His love all over the place! Whew. I am learning to love people beyond myself, and there is no way that would be possible without first getting the revelation of God's love for me. I believe that because God just can't help but love us because He is the definition of love, and so it is His very nature to love, He couldn't help it when He made the decision to send His Only Son to die on a cross so He could continue to love us and have relationship with us. He is really a God of love, man. Wow.
I was praying the other day with a lady I know who is such a prayer warrior, and just a spunky one for Jesus. She and I were crying out to the Lord, and all of the sudden something relatively new happened in her life....she began to prophesy over me. It was just more and more confirmation, and it was accurate too. I was like, WHOA! Then, she prophesied that I know what love IS NOT, but also something about me knowing what love IS. It was so sharp, so simple, yet so profound, and it made such a love dent in my heart. I couldn't believe that God saw me that way. That I know what love is and is not, and that He is going to use me to love love love people, all kinds of people. This rocked me.
So yes, I believe that God loves me, and I believe that His love for me is all I need to know because it is the basis of everything God says and does in our lives. It should also be the basis of everything we say and do in our lives because THAT very thing is what is beautiful and pleasing to God...when we walk in His love. You know those commandments..."Love the Lord Your God...Love your neighbor as yourself..." You get it. It's all about the love. Just believe it. Believe that He loves you, and it's all you need to know, cuz that's just the way it is. Just believe. Just love. Amen.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Healer...
Here is probably one of the most amazing songs I have ever heard during my almost 12 years of walking with the Lord.
"Healer" by Planetshakers
You hold my every momentYou calm my raging seasYou walk with me through fireAnd heal all my diseaseI trust in YouI trust in YouI believeYou're my HealerI believeYou are all I needI believe You're my PortionI believeYou're more than enough for meJesus, You're all I needNothing is impossible for YouNothing is impossibleNothing is impossible for YouYou hold my world in Your hands
So far I have been to church 3 times this week, and it has been awesome! Just by walking into the building, I feel such a strong presence of the Lord. Wednesday night, I went to the youth group. My friend, Barb, and I were going to attend the Adults' meeting, but we looked in, got a little shy, and decided to sit in with the youth instead. It was really good. Three teenagers gave their lives to Christ that night. The glory of God was all around, and miracles were happening in that place, one after another.
Friday night, I attended the young adults' service. It is basically for people ages 18 to 30 or so...so if you're over 30, you're TOO OLD! Haha, just kidding. :) It was so rad, too, because I was reconnected with this girl, Cathryn, whom I had met last year at the church when Samgar and I visited. Her grandparents are from Holland as well, and she has a burning passion for Europe, and her heart is really stirred to go to Holland. I told her it would be cool to go and minister together, so when we introduced me to her husband, she said, "This is Jess. She and I might go to Holland together." Haha. I love her faith!
Anyway, worship was amazing. They played this song, Healer, and it just broke me apart...in a good way. It was making a confession before Heaven, Hell, and all of creation that God IS MY HEALER. He is more than enough for me. He is all I need. As I sang, this song just became more and more my prayer. Why? Because He IS my Healer. He IS my Portion. Nothing is impossible for Him! Wow!
After worship, the childrens' pastor preachd on Purity. It was so good, and it really ministered to me. So many times we get stuck on purity just being something like avoiding sexual temptation or whatever, but it is so much more than that. One thing he said that struck me was this: stress = fear. Okay, I of all people have known this, but MAN! It was quite the epiphany at that moment when I heard it. Am I under stress? Yes. Do I need to be? No. Why? Because the most amazing, lovely, and beautiful God of the universe is in complete control of my life, and I don't have to go it alone...ever.
So...moving onto last night. I get to church, and the worship begins, and this song is being played AGAIN. God just ushers me in. I felt His presence so strongly, and it was like the bricks of despair, fear, doubt, and anything and everything else that was hanging on me just began to fall off. I know there has been a transformation in my life. God is just too loving, too caring, and too good to let me go like that. He cares about my every trouble, every worry, every hardship, and every circumstance. If He will do this for me, He will do it for you. God is a God of freedom. He has come to set the captives (like you and me) free! It's time for us to embrace His freedom!
The message last night was about mercy. One of the pastors, Mitch, was preaching, and it was just so good! He filled us all up with the Word of God, referencing His Truth about how God sees us and that His mercy is truly for us. At the end of the service, he did an altar call. He invited people to come up for prayer who have struggled with receiving the mercy of God, who have struggled with being people pleasers, or who have had some kind of hurt and pain from a natural father or other man in their lives. I believe almost all women made their way to the front as the music began to play. I hesitated to go up, mostly our of fear and maybe even pride, but the Holy Spirit was nudging me the whole time, so I figured I had better wise up and obey!
As I made my way up there, pastor Mitch gave a word that he said he had been given by the Lord on Wednesday for someone already, and this person is standing in the front now. As soon as the word was delivered, I KNEW it was for me. It was so clear and so encouraging. It made me laugh considering if I had gone to the adults' meeting on Wednesday, I would have received the word THEN. What a merciful God! He acted in mercy to still deliver that word to me because He knew I needed to hear it.
I just stood up there, hands raised, praying and praising the Lord and just receiving. A woman came to pray with me, and I don't even know what she prayed for, but it doesn't matter. Barb also came and laid hands on me. It was so good. When the glory of God ushers into a room and touches a person, not even the powers of hell can stop it. As I stood, I received so much from God. Now I didn't have some amazing vision or anything, but the heaviness....it was just dropping away...off of my shoulders, bit by bit. I hadn't experienced something like this in over 2 and a half years, that I can remember.
Later, pastor Mitch came to pray over me, and Barb and I told him that word was for me, so he told me to come next Wednesday to the group. So yes, I am going to go. It is sort of an intercessory prayer group, which is totally my thing.
I left church so encouraged. I couldn't wait to get home so I could see who this song was by. I just listened to it over and over again. It was awesome. Just me and God enjoying each other's company. Just hangin' with Jesus is like the very best thing in the world. I desire nothing more than this. ever.
God is my Healer. He is my Portion. He is all I need. When I am hurting, He is there. When I am broken, He is there. When I have fallen, He picks me up again. You see? What we confess with our mouths becomes our reality. We begin to believe what we speak. I know I have quite a journey ahead of me, but thank God I don't have to go it alone. He is with me every step of the way, allowing His healing balm to get right deep into those wounds and heal them. Will I cry some tears? Sure! Been there, done that. Will it easy hunky dorey easy all of the time? No way. It was never meant to be that way. However, I can tell you that something I have learned throughout my healing process, which has ben going on since I first got saved, is that the sooner we surrender, trust and obey, the quicker and less painful the process is. It's letting go of the past and running towards the goal. It's submitting all of who we are and all that we have to the Lord and allowing Him to put back together the broken pieces of our lives again and again.
And just so you know, you will mess up at times, it's inevitable. But don't worry, God is a God of mercy and grace. God is a God Who LOVES to lavish His love on you. For me, last night was being reminded that I am Daddy's little girl. That I am loved. That I am a beautiful woman of God who has so much to offer to a broken world. Thank You, Jesus, for that much needed reminder. He is showing me how to become comfortable in my own skin. He is showing me that I am lovely and I do have so much worth and value. I am not a mistake. You are not a mistake. We were divinely put together by the Father of Heaven and Earth many eons ago, and He cares about EVERY detail of our lives. Every single one!
So Lord, I just pray today that You would usher us all into Your presence and heal our broken hearts. Father, enter in with Your wonderful healing balm and cleanse out and cover those hurting and wounded areas of our innermost being. You along are worthy to be praised. You alone can heal. You alone are all we need. We praise You for Your promises. We thank You that nothing is impossible for You. You truly do hold my world in Your hands. Lord Jesus, we just wanna bless Your name for Your mercy, Your goodness, Your faithfulness, and Your love. Your grace is sufficient for us. Thank You for being our Lover, our Healer, our Daddy God, and our very Best Friend. We lift Your name on high with thanksgiving and praise. In Jesus' mighty name, AMEN!
"Healer" by Planetshakers
You hold my every momentYou calm my raging seasYou walk with me through fireAnd heal all my diseaseI trust in YouI trust in YouI believeYou're my HealerI believeYou are all I needI believe You're my PortionI believeYou're more than enough for meJesus, You're all I needNothing is impossible for YouNothing is impossibleNothing is impossible for YouYou hold my world in Your hands
So far I have been to church 3 times this week, and it has been awesome! Just by walking into the building, I feel such a strong presence of the Lord. Wednesday night, I went to the youth group. My friend, Barb, and I were going to attend the Adults' meeting, but we looked in, got a little shy, and decided to sit in with the youth instead. It was really good. Three teenagers gave their lives to Christ that night. The glory of God was all around, and miracles were happening in that place, one after another.
Friday night, I attended the young adults' service. It is basically for people ages 18 to 30 or so...so if you're over 30, you're TOO OLD! Haha, just kidding. :) It was so rad, too, because I was reconnected with this girl, Cathryn, whom I had met last year at the church when Samgar and I visited. Her grandparents are from Holland as well, and she has a burning passion for Europe, and her heart is really stirred to go to Holland. I told her it would be cool to go and minister together, so when we introduced me to her husband, she said, "This is Jess. She and I might go to Holland together." Haha. I love her faith!
Anyway, worship was amazing. They played this song, Healer, and it just broke me apart...in a good way. It was making a confession before Heaven, Hell, and all of creation that God IS MY HEALER. He is more than enough for me. He is all I need. As I sang, this song just became more and more my prayer. Why? Because He IS my Healer. He IS my Portion. Nothing is impossible for Him! Wow!
After worship, the childrens' pastor preachd on Purity. It was so good, and it really ministered to me. So many times we get stuck on purity just being something like avoiding sexual temptation or whatever, but it is so much more than that. One thing he said that struck me was this: stress = fear. Okay, I of all people have known this, but MAN! It was quite the epiphany at that moment when I heard it. Am I under stress? Yes. Do I need to be? No. Why? Because the most amazing, lovely, and beautiful God of the universe is in complete control of my life, and I don't have to go it alone...ever.
So...moving onto last night. I get to church, and the worship begins, and this song is being played AGAIN. God just ushers me in. I felt His presence so strongly, and it was like the bricks of despair, fear, doubt, and anything and everything else that was hanging on me just began to fall off. I know there has been a transformation in my life. God is just too loving, too caring, and too good to let me go like that. He cares about my every trouble, every worry, every hardship, and every circumstance. If He will do this for me, He will do it for you. God is a God of freedom. He has come to set the captives (like you and me) free! It's time for us to embrace His freedom!
The message last night was about mercy. One of the pastors, Mitch, was preaching, and it was just so good! He filled us all up with the Word of God, referencing His Truth about how God sees us and that His mercy is truly for us. At the end of the service, he did an altar call. He invited people to come up for prayer who have struggled with receiving the mercy of God, who have struggled with being people pleasers, or who have had some kind of hurt and pain from a natural father or other man in their lives. I believe almost all women made their way to the front as the music began to play. I hesitated to go up, mostly our of fear and maybe even pride, but the Holy Spirit was nudging me the whole time, so I figured I had better wise up and obey!
As I made my way up there, pastor Mitch gave a word that he said he had been given by the Lord on Wednesday for someone already, and this person is standing in the front now. As soon as the word was delivered, I KNEW it was for me. It was so clear and so encouraging. It made me laugh considering if I had gone to the adults' meeting on Wednesday, I would have received the word THEN. What a merciful God! He acted in mercy to still deliver that word to me because He knew I needed to hear it.
I just stood up there, hands raised, praying and praising the Lord and just receiving. A woman came to pray with me, and I don't even know what she prayed for, but it doesn't matter. Barb also came and laid hands on me. It was so good. When the glory of God ushers into a room and touches a person, not even the powers of hell can stop it. As I stood, I received so much from God. Now I didn't have some amazing vision or anything, but the heaviness....it was just dropping away...off of my shoulders, bit by bit. I hadn't experienced something like this in over 2 and a half years, that I can remember.
Later, pastor Mitch came to pray over me, and Barb and I told him that word was for me, so he told me to come next Wednesday to the group. So yes, I am going to go. It is sort of an intercessory prayer group, which is totally my thing.
I left church so encouraged. I couldn't wait to get home so I could see who this song was by. I just listened to it over and over again. It was awesome. Just me and God enjoying each other's company. Just hangin' with Jesus is like the very best thing in the world. I desire nothing more than this. ever.
God is my Healer. He is my Portion. He is all I need. When I am hurting, He is there. When I am broken, He is there. When I have fallen, He picks me up again. You see? What we confess with our mouths becomes our reality. We begin to believe what we speak. I know I have quite a journey ahead of me, but thank God I don't have to go it alone. He is with me every step of the way, allowing His healing balm to get right deep into those wounds and heal them. Will I cry some tears? Sure! Been there, done that. Will it easy hunky dorey easy all of the time? No way. It was never meant to be that way. However, I can tell you that something I have learned throughout my healing process, which has ben going on since I first got saved, is that the sooner we surrender, trust and obey, the quicker and less painful the process is. It's letting go of the past and running towards the goal. It's submitting all of who we are and all that we have to the Lord and allowing Him to put back together the broken pieces of our lives again and again.
And just so you know, you will mess up at times, it's inevitable. But don't worry, God is a God of mercy and grace. God is a God Who LOVES to lavish His love on you. For me, last night was being reminded that I am Daddy's little girl. That I am loved. That I am a beautiful woman of God who has so much to offer to a broken world. Thank You, Jesus, for that much needed reminder. He is showing me how to become comfortable in my own skin. He is showing me that I am lovely and I do have so much worth and value. I am not a mistake. You are not a mistake. We were divinely put together by the Father of Heaven and Earth many eons ago, and He cares about EVERY detail of our lives. Every single one!
So Lord, I just pray today that You would usher us all into Your presence and heal our broken hearts. Father, enter in with Your wonderful healing balm and cleanse out and cover those hurting and wounded areas of our innermost being. You along are worthy to be praised. You alone can heal. You alone are all we need. We praise You for Your promises. We thank You that nothing is impossible for You. You truly do hold my world in Your hands. Lord Jesus, we just wanna bless Your name for Your mercy, Your goodness, Your faithfulness, and Your love. Your grace is sufficient for us. Thank You for being our Lover, our Healer, our Daddy God, and our very Best Friend. We lift Your name on high with thanksgiving and praise. In Jesus' mighty name, AMEN!
Friday, August 08, 2008
New Beginnings...
Well, today is 8/8/08, and for those of you who don't know, the number "8" signifies "new beginnings."
I woke up this morning before 6 am, yes, I said 6 am...haha. I just laid in the bed for a while, and I just pondered for a moment what this whole concept even means. Then Lamentations came to mind, and I felt so encouraged just remembering the promises from the Lord.
"The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, "The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in Him!" Lamentations 3:22-24
What a promise! In my opinion, it's not about a day or a season or whatever because the Bible says that the mercies of God are new every single morning! I remember listening to this song by Israel Houghton, and I remember him saying this very thing, but he also said that the "morning" doesn't necessarily have to have an "am" next to it. It's not just when we physically wake up that we receive His new mercies, it is moreso when we WAKE UP...when we open our eyes and realize WHO God is, WHO He created us to be, and HOW He sees us, and HOW He wants us to see ourselves! This here is such a beautiful thing. God is certainly a God of beauty, and just how He shines and radiates just blows my mind. I am so thankful to the Lord that we shine and radiate like this because His Holy Spirit lives within us.
For me personally, I have experienced many new beginnings recently. It's not always easy to do this because this also means letting go of the old so God has the room to create the new in our lives. It is letting go of old mindsets, situations, etc. so we can embrace all that He has for us with completion and fullness of joy. This is my heart. It is difficult, but thank God that we do not trek on this new journey alone.
I find myself in Las Vegas at the moment...far from where I thought I would be at this time in my life. God knows best. The great thing about it, too, is that God has shown me why many of the changes in my life have had to take place. God never has bad things in store for us. His plans are for our good. They are amazing because His love for us is simply amazing!
Experiencing new beginnings is a good thing even though it can be scary, especially at first. If you're anything like me, you might not adapt s well to change. I know that I have undergone SO many changes in my life in the past 4 years or so, and it doesn't seem like it will let up soon. However, there is ONE thing I know that will never change, and that is the love of my Heavenly Father for me. God has taught me and continues to teach me alot through these changes. He is showing me that I cannot rely on people, situations, or circumstances because these things always change, but HE remains constant. My stability is in Christ alone.
Yeah sure, it is hard to trust in the One Whom you cannot see. This is what the concept of faith is all about. I am learning something right now very much so that I like to call the STO Factor. Surrender, Trust, and Obey. Is it difficult? Absolutely. Is it necessary? More than you will ever know. This is where we lay everything we are and everything we have at the foot of the cross KNOWING that God is a faithful God. He will never leave us nor forsake us. No change or new beginning do we ever walk through on our own. He is there every step of the way.
So, praise the Lord for new beginnings! Thank God for His faithfulness! Let go of your mistakes, failures, and troubles of yesterday, and embrace the love and new tender mercies of your Heavenly Father TODAY! This is the day that the Lord has made so let's get off our butts and rejoice in it!
Dear Lord,
I just want to praise Your Holy Name for new beginnings. Lord, You are such a loving and amazing God, and I thank You that Your mercies are new every morning. Help me to let go of the old things, the things from yesterday, my mistakes, bad mindsets, and failures, and help me press forward and to embrace and receive Your new mercies today! Jesus, I rejoice in Who You are. You are just such a good God. I want to bless Your name for never leaving me nor forsaking me. Thank You that You walk with me through this new beginning even though it may seem scary and things may not make sense right now. Lord, You know what's best for Your children, so help us to surrender, trust, and obey You each moment of every day. I ask these things with faith and confidence in You and thank You so much for all You have done and continue to do for us. In Jesus' name, AMEN!
I woke up this morning before 6 am, yes, I said 6 am...haha. I just laid in the bed for a while, and I just pondered for a moment what this whole concept even means. Then Lamentations came to mind, and I felt so encouraged just remembering the promises from the Lord.
"The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, "The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in Him!" Lamentations 3:22-24
What a promise! In my opinion, it's not about a day or a season or whatever because the Bible says that the mercies of God are new every single morning! I remember listening to this song by Israel Houghton, and I remember him saying this very thing, but he also said that the "morning" doesn't necessarily have to have an "am" next to it. It's not just when we physically wake up that we receive His new mercies, it is moreso when we WAKE UP...when we open our eyes and realize WHO God is, WHO He created us to be, and HOW He sees us, and HOW He wants us to see ourselves! This here is such a beautiful thing. God is certainly a God of beauty, and just how He shines and radiates just blows my mind. I am so thankful to the Lord that we shine and radiate like this because His Holy Spirit lives within us.
For me personally, I have experienced many new beginnings recently. It's not always easy to do this because this also means letting go of the old so God has the room to create the new in our lives. It is letting go of old mindsets, situations, etc. so we can embrace all that He has for us with completion and fullness of joy. This is my heart. It is difficult, but thank God that we do not trek on this new journey alone.
I find myself in Las Vegas at the moment...far from where I thought I would be at this time in my life. God knows best. The great thing about it, too, is that God has shown me why many of the changes in my life have had to take place. God never has bad things in store for us. His plans are for our good. They are amazing because His love for us is simply amazing!
Experiencing new beginnings is a good thing even though it can be scary, especially at first. If you're anything like me, you might not adapt s well to change. I know that I have undergone SO many changes in my life in the past 4 years or so, and it doesn't seem like it will let up soon. However, there is ONE thing I know that will never change, and that is the love of my Heavenly Father for me. God has taught me and continues to teach me alot through these changes. He is showing me that I cannot rely on people, situations, or circumstances because these things always change, but HE remains constant. My stability is in Christ alone.
Yeah sure, it is hard to trust in the One Whom you cannot see. This is what the concept of faith is all about. I am learning something right now very much so that I like to call the STO Factor. Surrender, Trust, and Obey. Is it difficult? Absolutely. Is it necessary? More than you will ever know. This is where we lay everything we are and everything we have at the foot of the cross KNOWING that God is a faithful God. He will never leave us nor forsake us. No change or new beginning do we ever walk through on our own. He is there every step of the way.
So, praise the Lord for new beginnings! Thank God for His faithfulness! Let go of your mistakes, failures, and troubles of yesterday, and embrace the love and new tender mercies of your Heavenly Father TODAY! This is the day that the Lord has made so let's get off our butts and rejoice in it!
Dear Lord,
I just want to praise Your Holy Name for new beginnings. Lord, You are such a loving and amazing God, and I thank You that Your mercies are new every morning. Help me to let go of the old things, the things from yesterday, my mistakes, bad mindsets, and failures, and help me press forward and to embrace and receive Your new mercies today! Jesus, I rejoice in Who You are. You are just such a good God. I want to bless Your name for never leaving me nor forsaking me. Thank You that You walk with me through this new beginning even though it may seem scary and things may not make sense right now. Lord, You know what's best for Your children, so help us to surrender, trust, and obey You each moment of every day. I ask these things with faith and confidence in You and thank You so much for all You have done and continue to do for us. In Jesus' name, AMEN!
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