Friday, October 06, 2006

Rain, Rain, Go Away....

I really wish it would stop raining. I mean, I like rain, but the rain and then no rain crap is dumb. I am feeling a bit tense right now. Marga and I just got back from shopping a bit to get things we needed. I didn't buy anything. I just hate seeing so many girls who "doll" themselves up so much. It makes me feel so plain and sometimes question my own looks. I hate comparing myself to other girls, but I know I am not alone in this struggle. If Marga weren't with me, I would have walked right back out of there. It's such a temptation, too, to want to buy new clothes to "feel more beautiful." Ugh! Thank God that He gave me the strength to NOT buy a thing! Man, I guess I am tense about other things too. God has been burdening my heart last night and today to pray for someone who I particularly do not want to pray for, but I know I should be praying for...make sense? I know I need to be obedient, and God told me "not to throw a hissy fit" about it and just do it. I was semi-obedient last night, but my attitude about it sucked, so now He is bothering me again with it today...*sigh* I am going to go hang out with my bro, Danny, tonight. It should be fun. Hopefully, this rain will let up a bit so we can go out and have a good time. Not sure what we're going to exactly do seeing as we are both lacking dinero at this time...haha! That's a whole other thing. I am really at a point of really needing to trust God completely for my finances. Everyone has been telling me that God is going to provide, and I believe it, but I just need to allow His promises to sink into my heart. He truly is a faithful God, and I know that He has called me here to Amsterdam, and because He has called me here, knowing full well about the bills and things I have, that He will provide everything. I just need to trust Him. Trust is not and has never been an easy thing for me. I am certainly growing, but it is definitely an ongoing process. God is really doing a work in me regarding discipline too. I am always reminded of that verse in Lamentations where it talks about the youth submitting to the yoke of the Lord's discipline...what a difficult lesson to learn. I think there is a song that says something about not praising God nearly enough. Man, I am definitely guilty of that one. Thank God for His sufficient grace. I think many times I am way too hard on myself. I don't know. I am just glad that I am in a place where I can confess my sucky attitude, BUT also not just sit there and be pissy, but actually get off of my duff and do something about it. So....I am going to pray, worship, and decorate my room now...and maybe take a nap too... :)

No comments: