Yep, that's right. Passion is the theme for me this year. I'll explain.
For those of you who don't know, I am involved in a songwriting project with a friend of ours named Pieter. He and I have been writing some pretty good stuff (I think so anyway), and we usually meet every couple of weeks to do this. Well, we met on Monday evening. It was great. We had a great time of worship, prayer, and just being in God's presence. Pieter got an impression from the Lord about being passionate. He said that God was sort of showing him this vision of Him taking you, me, everyone by the hand and running through the forests, going on a great adventure. God wants to show us all of the things He is passionate about and also show us how passionate He is about us. Pieter said that it's so sad how passionate and crazy God is about us, but we don't even come close to expressing our passion about Him. This got me thinking.
Fast forward to yesterday morning...I was in the shower. For whatever reason, God enjoys speaking to me in the shower. I have no idea why, and I can't think of a reason why other than this is a place in which I am somewhat vulnerable. Ahem. Moving on. I began praying in the shower and just talking to God. I love just being real with Him. Just talking to Him like I would talk to the average person is just sometimes so refreshing that He just wants me to be myself with Him. Well, He began to majorly speak to me. He reminded me of what Pieter spoke about the night before, and He said this is for me this next year. The theme for my life is PASSION, and I am to embrace it to the fullest. (No pressure...right). He showed me that I need to be passionate about everything in my life. My relationship with Him, with others, all of the stuff I enjoy doing, all of the things I want to do in my life, and more. He showed me that by being passionate in my life leads to excellence and perseverance. Whoa! Again, no pressure. :) I just took this all in, and now I have been meditating on it all. Wowzers!
So this is where I am at. I want to be passionate in everything I do, in who I am, in who I want to become, in my relationships/friendships, etc. You get the picture. However, the question is "how" I can accomplish this. Also, what exactly does this mean? This is what I have been pondering for the past couple of days, and my heart is actually quite heavy from it all. It seems like a huge, unachievable burden, but it's really not. Or is it?
I want great relationships. I value deep friendships...I value ALL friendships. I just want and maybe need more real...more deep. I don't know. I desire more depth in my life in general. This all needs to start and also end with Jesus and Jesus alone. If He is not the center of this quest for passion, then what is the point? There isn't one. Relationships are definitely give and take. My heart is to give. I have so much to give, and I think I have stuff to offer people. I mean, that's not sounding arrogant or something, right? I just want to be a good friend to people. But I also just want to have some solid friendships in return. I know I do. It just appears that most, if not all, of them are not existing anywhere geographically close to me...and that just plain sucks.
So now I am on this adventure to learn all about relationships/friendships and just plain relationship in and of itself. What does all of this stuff mean? Are MY expectations too high? Where is all of this coming from? I mean, I know I am a very insecure person and many times feel inadequate. No, I am not afraid to admit that. I'd rather be open and honest about my struggles than try to suppress them like I have been for oh so long.
Anyway, cheers to this new season/adventure/journey/quest...or whatever else you want to call it. Here goes nothin'! I just hope I learn more about passion along the way because I think I am pretty passionate about God and other things already (which is where my stubbornness also comes out...yep), but I have so much more to learn. I don't want to run anymore. I don't want to hit the "epic fail" button in my life one more time because I am too scared or insecure to keep pressing on. Nope. Not this time. It's passion or bust, and I am going to do it with joy cuz otherwise there's just no point. Oh Jesus, thanks for this amazing life You've given me and this opportunity to learn more about myself and express myself in new and creative ways even if it is by far one of the scariest things I've ever embarked on. Here we go!